True Holiday Generosity
Jingle bells. Sparkling lights. Presents. Music. Celebrations.
Christmas is a time for connecting with family members, sharing joy and giving back generously. I think many consider generosity to be donations to charity and gift-giving. Holiday generosity can be observed in more ways than financial giving. In Brene Brown’s “BRAVING” acronym for daring leadership, she talks about one definition that really caused me to pause: generosity as extending others the benefit of best intention in response to their words and actions.
In a world where it seems that everyone gets easily offended and cancelled for errors, I often wonder if we are giving each other this benefit of the doubt. If you are like me, you might be observing quick judgment, hateful exchanges on social media and fighting to be right. On a large scale, the mental health of others has been declining with increased suffering as a result of divisions in families, friendships and communities.
How do we solve this mental health crisis? I think the best way to solve it is to pivot our focus away from what others are doing. Being clear about our own intentions in alignment with personal values, we address the only control we have: us. Based on experience and individual differences, we can all think and choose differently. When we have tolerance for each other, we accept that we can all make choices right for us, not feeling responsible for or in judgment of the choices of others.
When agreement is the outcome needed, you may be left feeling disappointed. If you learn from those who have a different perspective, you evolve … and this brings greater meaning. If you can do this around challenging topics, you learn the deepest form of generosity.
Research by Daniel Goleman, Paul Ekman and Brene Brown all point to the skill of empathy that allows curious learning from each other. It is empathy that helps you build trust in relationships, giving opportunities to understand each other and stretching the uncomfortable for the purpose of understanding differences. Can you like a person you do not understand? Of course you can. When you ask questions instead of making quick judgments, you contribute to a community of kindness. Isn’t that the most meaningful way to be generous?
Take time this holiday season to be the best human being you can be. Here are 10 ideas to help you be more emotionally generous:
Listen more and be defensive less.
Ask more questions to understand rather than to simply respond.
Recognize your bias when you are making a quick judgment or overgeneralization that comes from your reaction as opposed to your intention.
Put the best spin on the words, efforts and choices of others.
Know and speak your values without using them as a weapon against others. Be calm and clear when you get the chance to speak your mind.
Be kind, regardless of whether it is returned back to you.
Practice delivering difficult messages in a warm, neutral energy.
Help others because you want to, not because you have to.
Stand up against the negativity of others, living by action (not just words).
Catch your moments of reactivity, admitting fault and taking ownership when you are participating in gossip and intolerance.
Which of these suggestions do you need to work on this holiday season? Set a goal for the next year to be aware of how your behavior affects others, putting the best construction on how and why others do what they choose to do. When you take on this mindset, you will find yourself operating from a place of peace.
Don’t get me wrong: I love the lights, music, gifts and celebrations with family and friends during this time of year. Nevertheless, expanding your definition and practicing emotional generosity may make your holidays even more rewarding. When you take on the mindset that people are doing the best that they can based on their experience, your judgment softens. This allows you to step up and lead, sharing wisdom through love.
Join me in closing 2021 with a spirit of emotional generosity, starting the next one with the intention of being the best version of you, regardless of circumstance or struggle. May you have happy holidays and a season of generosity, passing genuine love and kindness to all those you see!