The Connection Culture: Vulnerable Leadership
Most companies today are working hard at improving culture. Culture is made up of the policies and procedures that impact how a company is managed, including the energy and style of leadership. It is how employees are treated and understood, regardless of the problems they face at home or work. When it comes to productivity, keeping employees happy and guiding them through constant change, good culture is essential. Company culture requires curiosity for differences, exploring new ways to meet employee needs and hiring people who work well together. All companies have problems. Healthy culture allows us to navigate through the problems with difficult conversations and tools to work through emotion and change.
At Delta, we pride ourselves on understanding personality differences and helping each other, regardless of role. We believe in our mission, follow clear core values and push each other to find new ways to meet the demands of our customers. As leaders, we strive to teach how to move through conflict, facing it head-on with curiosity, listening to understand and collaborating on solutions. Regardless of whether problems arise in personal or professional areas of life, we listen and support each other through the struggles. We do not always get it right either. The goal is to pick ourselves up again when we fail and try again, doing it better next time.
The traditional way of leadership has been the “follow the leader” method. This “don’t get personal” method is stoic and often judgmental. It involves doing what you are told without sharing any struggles openly. In a world promoting the understanding of mental health, this old method just doesn’t cut it anymore. Top leadership requires you to be aware of how your style impacts others around you. It is no longer optional to just know your craft. You need to better understand emotion. Knowing how to respond to emotion, whether your own or that of those around you, is a mandatory skill.
To improve emotional intelligence, I teach leaders mental health tools to use the 3 N’s of emotion awareness: notice, name and neutralize. This tool helps you notice when you are triggered to emotion, understanding where it comes from and how it helps you connect through vulnerability and transparency.
By naming feelings accurately (which few do well), leaders become more relatable and connected, giving more power to motivate and develop their employees through their struggles. When employees learn how to neutralize triggered emotions, there is lower disengagement, less resentment and reduced conflict in the workplace.
I have heard leaders say, “I am not their therapist!” Getting to know someone personally, including the struggles he or she faces, does not make you a therapist. This judgmental way of understanding problems limits your leadership. And I am here to tell you that you do not need to be a therapist to be a good leader. But you do need to be a good human. Listening requires you to authentically care for your employees and be good at hearing what others need, bringing a struggling person back to his or her voice and values. Ask these two question of those around you who are struggling:
1. “What do you want to do about this difficult situation?”
2. “How can I support you through the process of change?”
In order to develop others, focus on awareness first and regulation next. Once awareness is present, regulating emotion becomes easier. A helpful tool I often share for regulating emotion is: OBSERVE - PAUSE - PIVOT. It works like this: In difficult moments, begin by observing the trigger, naming specifically how you feel and why this situation is important to you. Then, by taking a moment to pause and sit with emotion to be clear on what you need or want, you can evaluate your need based on your values. Finally, pivot toward your intention with helpful solutions and clear (simple) direction. Slow down enough to know what you want and then execute that clarity quickly.
When employees have skills in awareness and regulation of emotion, they are better equipped to collaborate and challenge each other responsibly. By modeling honesty and leaning in quickly to problems, negativity does not linger and cause emotional viruses that break down culture.
We are all leaders. It is not your salary or title that makes you a leader but rather your character. Don’t wait for others to tell you what needs to be done. Instead, know your voice, use it wisely by offering to help and be a part of needed change. Leading is not only to those who work for you but also to those around you and those who lead you! Be a person who is willing to lead up, down and laterally.
In order to operate at your highest productivity, you can learn to burst into focus zones and reset often to stay energized. Taking short breaks and alternating those with productivity zones can be a key to getting things done. As a manager, your job is to develop others by teaching skills, nurturing relationships and helping your employees prioritize tasks to be most effective.
I am sure, like me, you have had leaders who were effective and those who weren’t. Maya Angelou quotes, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Be a leader who models and teaches good mental health in your workplace, making people better in all parts of their lives. You can teach people how to do a job or develop emotional intelligence and character. Be the type of leader who makes others healthy and happy. In the long run, you will not regret it!