What You Say (in Your Head) Matters!
At Delta Defense, we promote a culture where mindset truly matters. We talk about it frequently, have reminders on the walls of our building, and apply mindset tools to help keep us on track when things go in the wrong direction. We promote addressing problems with solutions, seeking collaboration in a “connection before correction” style of leadership.
In a recent skills training on “Mastering Negative Self-Talk,” I encouraged employees to identify internal dialogue that sabotages productivity and confidence. We worked on identifying who we are in our best self identity, recognizing when our “inner critics” step in to derail perspective in the face of triggered frustrations.
Developing your best version of self list can be a useful map in moments of emotional reactivity, guiding you from the voice of a critic to the voice that keeps alignment with your values. By changing the language in your head, you can nurture insight about your emotional triggers that lead you to resisting or overreacting to your emotions. When you make space for intentional observation, it slows down the internal process from reaction to intentional action.
When we attach to problems, we become problem focused. For example, If you repeatedly tell yourself you are stressed, this practiced feeling can become your identity over time by habit. What you focus your energy on in your thoughts quickly becomes your reality. When you observe emotion rather than attach to it, you add emotional space to direct where that feeling goes, which alters your perspective and outcomes.
Here are a few examples:
Attaching: “I am so stressed out!”
Observing: “I am noticing that I am stressed. I need to take a break to reset.”
Attaching: “I am exhausted.”
Observing: “I am noticing that I am tired, but that will pass when I get focused on activity.”
Attaching: “Things will never change! It’s hopeless.”
Observing: “I am noticing my impatience surrounding the problems that require change. I need to be patient and do my part.”
When your thoughts are stuck on problems, you’ll end up circling emotions. This inhibits the creation and execution of solutions. And when you are quick to focus on solutions without grasping the emotion behind it, you’ll end up lacking insight. This is why logic and emotion need to work together in harmony. In the best scenario, you can practice understanding emotion clearly so that you can direct it skillfully with a productive mindset.
When it comes to self-talk, I encourage employees to be the directors of their own production, not passively sitting in the audience or being critics reviewing the film. When your internal dialogue is intentional, you manage the process better. Knowing when to “cut”, re-do and edit scenes is all a part of making a beautiful story. Notice when you become the critic so that you can stop the habit of repeating negative reviews of your experience. Observe when you are blocking or avoiding certain thoughts and emotions, keeping the same patterns of negativity going. Instead, lean into problems, accepting emotional triggers and directing yourself through the situation by seeing it as opportunity rather than irritation.
Self talk impacts your view of yourself and your relationship with others. Observe the words you say in your mind when you address problems around you. Your best self needs to be in charge of your internal dialogue. Stop giving power to the critic, who pulls you away from opportunity and is comfortable spiraling into habitual negativity.
Who are you in your most optimal self? Keep that identity set like a thermostat that stays consistent regardless of the weather conditions outside. Your internal dialogue about what goes on around you really matters. How you dialogue in your mind makes all the difference in your well-being. Although others cannot see your thoughts, the negativity can still be felt by those around you!